Browsing All Posts filed under »Lofty theories«

What I didn’t learn in college (Alternatively, why fame doesn’t suit me)

October 18, 2012

3

I had this thought yesterday. I was pacing around my bedroom in my jammies at about 4:35 p.m., my unwashed hair in a sort of Annie Hall lounge-bun/Cast Away ravage-mop, when I stopped before my full-length mirror. There, as I sucked my belly in, achieving no figure enhancement given my XXL T-Shirt serving as the […]

An Ode to Frat Stars

May 3, 2010

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Here’s to you, frat stars. You handsome, sexy, handsome, dapper specimens. As a sorostitute, I don’t know how you do it–look so good every day. But I can speculate. While the sorostitute dress code was conceived in the poorest-executed plan possible, frat stars had it right. The chief frat stars must have met in some […]

What broslikethissite missed

January 20, 2010

1

Well, not exactly. But let me explain. Last night, while on a recon mission in the Kroger bread aisle, I stood near a group of three guys. They joked among each other, saying things like “How you doin’, slam piece?” They proceeded to yell the words “SLAM PIECE!” repeatedly as I far-too-often stood within earshot. […]